Today was….

Today was shitty.

My daughter has a really bad cold and a high temperature and is incapable of blowing her nose or using a tissue by herself at night, subsequently little sleep has been had by all. Needless to say, tempers are short.

Today was shitty.

The sun was shining when I got dressed, but as soon as I stepped out of the house the British weather did what it always does and changed tack. I’m pretty sure I flashed my underwear quite a bit on the way to the shop as the wind in my village is “playful” to say the least.

Today was shitty.

I missed a team meeting at work and a whole day in the office because Beanie was too sick to go to nursery. It’s grading and ceremonies time and missing work means needing to cram in a lot of things over a short period of time. I’m worried that trying to get everything done quickly will mean I will miss something.

Today was shitty.

It makes me sad that my daughter only chooses to cuddle me when she’s sick. Cradling her hot, shaking little body makes me feel like I must be a terrible mother that she has to  feel so awful before choosing to come to me for comfort.

Today was shitty.

I was a lazy mother. Instead of deepening a connection with my daughter by reading stories to her and playing games, I have actively encouraged watching films, DVDs and CBeebies either on the sofa, or in our bed.

Today was okay.

Despite the fact that we haven’t had much sleep, the sleep I did get was good quality. So a day with a moody poorly toddler isn’t going to be as heinous as it could be.

Today was okay.

Yes the sun was no longer shining when I left the house and the wind was somewhat gusty. But I was wearing a skirt I had bought at a festival and reminded me of sunny days and laughter. I had done a fresh batch of laundry so fortunately had some nice pants on….and between you and me my bum is my best feature anyway.

Today was okay.

Yes I missed out on time in the office, but “Dust If You Must” comes to mind at times like this. I know the essentials that need to be done and I still got to go and teach the brilliant kids in my classes in the afternoon, so I didn’t miss out on the really fun bits of my job. As for the ceremonies and gradings, I have an extremely supportive team who can help out if I need them and a checklist crafted over time and revised with experience.

Today was brilliant.

Beanie is a very affectionate person, but only in short doses. It’s very rare that she’ll chose to sit and cuddle with you for a long period of time and so when she does it’s very precious. I’m happy to be raising a confident little girl who doesn’t need constant reassurance from me that I love her. I’m loving that I get to sit and cuddle this little person who is growing up far too fast and I know that she’s coming to cuddle with me because I can make her feel better.

Today was fun.

Yes Beanie was ill and yes we watched far too much television and several films. But I really like animated films and I love seeing her absorbing how each character moves and talks and then recreating them in our games later. She is also far too ill to be running around and expending energy that she needs to fight and get better. Films provide nice long periods where she can sit and be still and recover.

The day in question was a couple of months ago, when Beanie had an awful chest infection (a few days later was on ordered rest from the doctor!). Same activities, same feelings. The difference is in how I chose to look at these events. Sometimes days are bad, sometimes they are just downright awful and you want to lie down and cry. But seeking the good, seeing the positive, can change everything; from how you feel to how you respond. As I have said before; what’s your choice?


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